Hi my name is Queen and I have a few confessions to make.
First off before I even indulged in writing or sketching I was a fan of singing. This was the biggest indicator to the world around that I was relatively happy. I even sung in the choir during my middle school and junior high years. Now many years later I reserve my singing for the shower or when I’m doing my chores at home but I have a wonderful appreciation for people who can “sing with their chest”.
Excerpt from Inside of Me
I always feel
that inside of me,
there’s a song
waiting to come out.
Learning about different notes
makes me smile.
Memorizing little songs
makes me feel worthwhile.
As far as relationships I’ve been in some doozies! I bet all of us have some stories to tell about the wacky things we do for love. Heck, I even had a blueprint drawn up! Yet even the best laid plans go awry like shown in Dreams of Fog(excerpt):
I envisioned myself
styling and profiling
with the finest of things!
Engaged by 26,
married by 28,
and having my tubes tied by 35!
Yes, everything was great!
But my dreams were not to be.
Reality clapped next to my ears,
reminding me of the shambles
that is my life.
I had to find a way to get back on track. One way of doing that was addressing my fear and taking steps to conquer it. Now I’m not advocating violence by any means but it makes me smile how Courage, Faith and Love took care of business in Loss of Fear (excerpt):
One night,
as the sandman held me,
Fear heard a sound—
a moving about,
and Fear, being the paranoid
Ninny She was
arose from Her slumber
to see what it was all about.
And from behind,
Fear was nabbed
and She tried to scream,
but I didn’t hear Her,
immersed in my own dreams.
Courage cut off Fear’s oxygen.
Faith tied Her up.
Love picked Her up and quietly carted Her away
so as not to cause too much fuss.
Once Fear mysteriously (or not) disappeared, I had to find my way to Happiness. I was sprinting after it tenaciously but just kept missing the mark. But sometimes you just have to let things come to you:
Butterfly
I see a butterfly
I like to call Happiness
sitting upon
a yellow rose petal.
I crouch low in the grass,
anticipating capture.
When I am almost near the flower,
it decides to fly away.
I see a butterfly
I like to call Happiness
sitting upon
my window sill while I’m cleaning.
My movements become slow,
steadily deliberate.
I almost touch its’ feet
when it’s on its’ way again.
I see a butterfly
I like to call Happiness
sitting upon
the leaves of a tree,
but this time, I ignore it
and proceed to my writings,
but this time around,
it takes a seat on my knee.
Could this possibly mean
that Happiness is also
meant for me?
And as if it sensed my thought,
it again decided to flee.
But this time, I’m not worried.
It’ll come back,
eventually.
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Thanks to Queen of Spades for this wonderful insight into her life and thoughts.
Nikki McDonagh - author and photographer 